Fire Department

by

be your own PET

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An album this succinct deserves a review of similar brevity. Young enough to be Kathleen Hanna's teen rebel offspring, Be Your Own Pet's songs last an average of two minutes before the band swig a few more ADHD pills and move on to another idea. On this half hour of potty-mouthed rock ravaging, frontwoman Jemina Pearl cleverly sums up her ideology neatly in song titles. Wildcat!, Adventure and Fuuuuuun display the wide-eyed Yeah Yeah Yeahs-meets-Blondie-in-kindergarten appeal, Let's Get Sandy (Big Problem), Bunk Trunk Skunk and We Will Vacation, You Can Be My Parasol exhibit the surreal edge to the thrashy discount rock of the Nashville quartet and Love Your Shotgun adds a more worrying strain of violence to Be Your Own Pet's song logic.

Such forthright sexual lyrics from a female teen have been rare since The Slits 30 years ago, so when Jemina questions her mental state on Stairway To Heaven and Fuuuuuun you have to wonder if the 18-year-old really is somewhat damaged. ""I'm here to steal your virginity," Jemina snarls on Bunk Trunk Skunk. "It gets so dark when we are below the waist," she coos on We Will Vacation, You Can Be My Parasol. "I am the wildcat, you are the worm," the singer drawls on Wildcat!.

A sweeter girl emerges on October, First Account, but she's soon burnt at the stake by her hellish alter egos. The boys in the band emerge from the shadows occasionally for some shouty backing vocals, guitar solos and frenzied drumming, but Jemina's in control throughout.

With two-timing, death and broken bones being the key themes, Be Your Own Pet have unleashed a deranged debut.

I first heard about Be Your Own Pet in a newspaper article. The Art section raved about these young "artists" as though they were the best thing to happen to punk rock since The Ramones. The band members of BYOP were quoted bashing 2006 Warped Tour bands, namely A.F.I., Senses Fail, and Against Me! - calling them "emo-screamo" and "pretentious and not real". Of course, this was followed by several bouts of shameless self-promotion and kiss-up comments by the author of the article.

Thinking that that was a mighty bold claim for some teenagers in a garage punk band, I checked out their music. And man, did my ears regret it. Everything about this CD literally screamed (and I mean literally) - TALENTLESS. From the elementary baseline, to the simplistic guitar riffs, to the mediocre vocals, nothing about their songs ever made me consider wanting to buy their albums. If I wanted to hear teenaged garage bands spewing out random sounds, all I would have had to do was visit my local high school talent show. Thankfully, I did not spend any money listening to BYOP's music. I encourage everyone else to do the same - for the love of Pete, please do not support this band.

Admittedly, I was also a little bit jaded on BYOP to begin with when I read about them criticizing the Warped Tour bands in the way they did. I mean, not simple criticism, but just plain ripping on other much more popular bands. Of course, everyone has the right to their own opinion, but should a really good band have to underhandedly cut at other bands to gain polularity? No. Besides, they incorrectly listed A.F.I. as an emo band, which further indicated to me that the members of BYOP have no knowledge of, or experience with, real music. (And no one, I mean NO ONE, insults Davey Havok or any of his bands in my presence.)

As far as BYOP's lyrics...where did they come up with that stuff? I mean, all that junk like "I wanted a cat, my boyfriend wanted a dog, we had it out, then I threw him in a bog" (or something like that, I don't care enough about this band to learn their exact lyrics)? A 12-year-old could do better. For such harsh critics of chart-topping, refined, talented bands, I would at least hope that their music wouldn't be entirely comprised of belted-out screaming of random lyrics that sound like they were thought up in about 10 seconds. BYOP claims to be a part of the punk rock scene, but I beg to differ. Punk rock is good. Be Your Own Pet is not.