Ozzy Osbourne Catches Bieber Fever
Jan, 31 2011
Back in December, Ozzy Osbourne was a guest on Mark Hoppus’ Fuze TV show “A Different Spin”. When asked about pop music, Ozzy said “Who the f**k’s Justin Bieber?” (see NSFW video here). However, he can no longer ask that question, as last week Osbourne filmed a commercial with none other than The Bieb himself.
Bieber, who was born 24 years after Osbourne’s band Black Sabbath’s quadruple platinum selling album Paranoid was first released, dropped hints on Twitter during the taping on January 17th saying, “Can’t really say what I’m up to today but when u guys find out its gonna be funny as heck,” and hashtagging “#todaywasepic.”
Later, it came out that the duo filmed a commercial for Best Buy to air during the third quarter of the Super Bowl on Sunday, February 6th. This will be Best Buy’s first ever Super Bowl commercial and also the 10th straight year that I watch the game solely for the commercials.
See the strange and awkward pictures of the Prince of Darkness meeting the Prince of Preteens for the first time over at Rolling Stone. Any guesses as to why they look like Tron characters?
-Erin O.
Permalink
Profiling The Prince Of Darkness
Oct, 31 2010
Scientists have been studying Ozzy Osbourne’s blood in an attempt to determine how some individuals are able to endure “excessive substance abuse,” specifically looking at the relationship between DNA and the environment.
The Black Sabbath frontman, 61, wrote in a recent column for the UK’s Sunday Times: “Given the swimming pools of booze I’ve guzzled over the years — not to mention all the cocaine, morphine, sleeping pills, cough syrup, LSD, Rohypnol…you name it — there’s really no plausible medical reason why I should still be alive. Maybe my DNA could say why.”
Researchers at Knome, a Massachusetts company that offers full genome readings for $40,000, began mapping The Prince of Darkness’ genetic code last summer, but the research was unable to pinpoint an “Ozzy Osbourne gene” that would shed light on Osbourne’s staggering consumptive abilities. They did discover an ‘unusual variant’ which could have helped Osbourne metabolize alcohol efficiently during the years when he drank up to four bottles of Cognac a day.
They also learned Osbourne is a descendant of the Neanderthals, and a distant relative of survivors of the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, the ancient Romans. Given the Neanderthals’ way of life as well as the hedonism Caligula and Nero practiced, perhaps Osbourne’s genetic fortitude simply can be attributed to his ancestry.
Permalink
Old Fashioned Values Prevail At Ozzfest
Jul, 31 2010
Ozzfest is Ozzy Osbourne’s brainchild and was founded by him and his wife Sharon Osbourne in 1996. In the years since its inception it has featured some of the biggest and best metal acts in the world and is the place to be if you love your music loud and hairy.
As a special treat, this year’s festival offers the most dedicated of metal fans the ultimate opportunity – to be married at Ozzfest. The ‘Unholy Matrimony’ package offers metal lovebirds the chance to take their vows backstage, in front of an ordained minister called “Big Dave,” and includes lots of goodies including eight tickets for loved ones to witness the nuptials. The package is available at each of the six shows across the U.S. and costs a very reasonable and unholy price of $2,666.
Unfortunately Ozzy’s presence is not part of the package, so the happy couple will not be the lucky recipients of sage tips for a happy marriage from the man himself, and that may be why, with less than a month to go, it’s still possible to snap up one of the packages - just be sure to tell your Mom about the dress code.
Permalink
Taking Clinic Today: Doctor Ozzy
Jun, 9 2010
The 61-year old former Black Sabbath singer Ozzy Osbourne, renowned for his hell-raising lifestyle and death-defying fortune, has commenced a rather counter-intuitive column in the health section of The Times of London. Ozzy is the first to admit that his continued existence following years of rampant drug abuse, rivers of alcohol, mental breakdowns, quad bike injuries and plane crashes is a source of bafflement even to him. “It’s all very well going on a bender for a couple of days” he said, “but mine went on for 40 years.”
Despite his heavy-living history, there is method in the apparent madness of asking Ozzy to be the newspaper’s new health advice columnist. “It makes perfect sense,” Ozzy explained. “I’ve seen literally thousands of doctors over my lifetime, and spent well over a million pounds on them, to the point where I sometimes think I know more about being a doctor than doctors do.”
These days Ozzy is a poster boy for clean living. “I keep fit, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t get high — or least not on anything but endorphins.” Nevertheless, it is odd to be taking lessons in how to live healthily from Ozzy Osborne. If he takes a holiday, will the newspaper ask Keith Richards to fill in?
Permalink
Ozzy Osbourne
Jul, 26 2009
As biographers scramble with indecent haste to release their own takes on the scandalous / tragic / fascinating life story of Michael Jackson, there’s news of an alternative autobiography which should deliver similarly intriguing revelations. The story of the life of Ozzy Osbourne, the bat-chomping and slipper-shuffling former frontman of Black Sabbath, is due to hit bookstands in October. Having already shared every detail of his family life in week-by-week detail with viewers of the MTV reality series The Osbournes, Ozzy is no stranger to exposé, but he’s promised to reveal the full story of his crazy rock star life in all its excessive glory. He revealed "It haunts me, all this crazy stuff. I took lethal combinations of booze and drugs for 30 f’ing years. I survived a direct hit by a plane, suicidal overdoses, STDs. I have been accused of attempted murder. Then I almost died while riding over a bump on a quad bike at f’ing two miles per hour. People ask me how come I'm still alive, and I don't know what to say."
Permalink